The Problem is Me

This conversation isn’t going anywhere
It’s loud in here
I don’t know where to focus
The problem is me
There’s a pretty girl next to me I have nothing to say to
She’s a bright thing visually
Oh my god I have nothing to say
“Here we are.  Have you thought about death?”
That ain’t gonna fly
And there’s a fat girl trying to dance with me
Her soggy nipples are grazing my forearms as she dances
None of that is accidental
And I’m left thinking about Morrissey
The loathing of the female
The loathing of humanity
I once had desire
It folded in upon itself
Like a shit origami
Ambition, to transcend the self
To separate myself finally, totally
Rise like a phoenix above to revulsion of being
The disgust of the flesh
Millenia of renunciates stand behind me
Cold and divine
Warm and in love with god
Rising like new stars invading the milky constellations
Confusing astrologers
Who had no idea where to put their cocks either
We are not made for the householder’s life
In another life I’ll be born a lawyer
Work and come home to wife and Johnny and Sally and woof
We drive back and forth
We know our parades
And live away from them 350 days a year
Warmth, contained, wan taint
War paint
Dead magazines
Lights pass before my eyes and I don’t blink
Come hold my side honey
I have no deal with the devil
You may as well kiss me and get me through the night
My god you look beautiful when we are rising in ecstasy
It is a crest of the night as high as the Himalayan snowy rock of any sage
This is where I hang my hat
This rhythm we build
My respite, my time share vacation from my skull
Where are you?
Alternative orbit
Where you were my wife and a poet
As quiet and revulsed as I am
Cold, alone, stunted, dead
Way of the Bore
I have nothing to say
The problem is not the hair and the sweat and the zits and the farts and the stale bacteria on the inside of her shirt sleeves
The problem is me

Sep 22, 2019